Post details: God uses Greasemonkey (or, modelling Christianity with HTTP)

Mar 03, 2007 : God uses Greasemonkey (or, modelling Christianity with HTTP)

At work (the IS dept at a Christian university) a few weeks ago, our lunch discussion came to whether God could both love and hate someone at the same time. I said that if the person is saved by Christ, God sees Christ -- not the person -- when he looks at him. Drew said "it's like a hard link!"

On the web, it'd be like a permanent redirect. But only when God tries to resolve a Christian's URL does he get redirected to the URL representing Christ. "The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart" (1 Sam 16:7). So how would that work? The difference in how the person's URL resolves depends on the viewer, so something has to be done at God's end. We came up with the idea that God must use Greasemonkey with script that applies URL redirections.

I couldn't find any Greasemonkey scripts that did URL redirection (just lame javascript redirects which is not good enough). So here's how I think Christianity could be modeled in HTTP:

Let's say http://brondsema.net/dave represents me (technically, it is an RDF document about me, but I'll avoid getting into RDF). http://brondsema.net/Christianity/Christ will be the URL representing Christ. When God requests http://brondsema.net/dave he needs to get:
HTTP/1.1 301 Moved Permanently
Location: http://brondsema.net/Christianity/Christ

This is assuming that a person once saved can never fall from salvation. If it's the contrary, then instead of a 301 Moved Permanently, there'd be a 307 Temporary Redirect

Probably be the best way for God to achieve this would be with a local proxy that rewrites some responses to be 301/307 instead of their original response value. Of course, only God would know how his proxy works; none of us know if other people are saved by Christ or not.

Some definitions, for the less technically inclined:

hard link
like a file shortcut, but better
URL
Universal Resource Locator; aka web address. It can represent anything, not just provide a webpage
Greasemonkey
A firefox extension that lets users install scripts that change the functionality of certain webpages
HTTP
HyperText Transfer Protocol. The underlying protocol that web browser & servers use to request & transfer webpages
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Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: jonathan b [Visitor]
I love this!
J
Permalink 03/04/07 @ 19:15
Comment from: AJP [Visitor] · http://ajp.net
Amazing Dave. I love it.
Permalink 03/04/07 @ 20:00
Comment from: Bill [Visitor]
It sound's to me like someone needs to take a vacation without a computer!
(because holyland.com is not a valid site, so don't even try to visit)
Permalink 03/05/07 @ 13:44
Comment from: Denise [Visitor]
What a great word picture for how God sees us! I loved how you even dealt with the theological differences between "the elect" or not. Way to go!

I sure do miss these lunch conversations. I'm glad to hear that they continue. Sure beats The Simpsons.
Permalink 03/06/07 @ 20:23
Comment from: Racie [Visitor]
Hehe. Denise tipped me off to this post. I love it!

Hope you are well.
Permalink 03/06/07 @ 21:06
Comment from: mom [Visitor]
Dave,
Very impressive commentary. I think you should submit it to Calvin's Spark or something similar.
I believe once saved, always saved. I don't believe God is an "Indian giver".
Permalink 03/06/07 @ 23:08
I cannot think of anything scarier than a doctrine that denies the very possiblity of spiritual miscarriage, better known as "apostasy" in the scripture. "Signing up" to run the race is the same thing as "finishing" the race? Better take another look at this one...
(Do a Google search for "Once Saved, Always Saved? Sign Me Up!")
Without malice,
Bryan
Permalink 06/07/07 @ 13:02
Comment from: A Key [Visitor] · http://www.cathetel.com
God does not hate. Though, I understand anyone who compares His reality to earthly sandboxes (like PCs) must spend a few millenia in Purgatory. (But that's just a rumor; you're probably safe. Probably. Maybe. Maybe not.)
Permalink 12/19/07 @ 15:44
Comment from: Kudzu Fire [Visitor] · http://olympics.poetryman6969.com/
it is said that a poor workman blames his tools. if we accept the truth of that statement then we have to realize that God is and has to be better than our worst faults. We are God's tools. He made us faults and all. If a revelation is needed then realize that we do not worship a poor workman who made us s lesser beings and then spends all his time blaming us for our faults. Rather we serve a God who made us as we are and loves us anyway.
Permalink 06/24/08 @ 20:50
Comment from: Rob Cameron [Visitor] · http://ridingtheclutch.com
Or God was invented by man to explain things about the universe he didn't understand. ie. http://god.com is a 404.

Actually you can use a lot of the HTTP spec to explain religions: if you're Catholic then a request to http://god.com actually returns a 402 (Payment Required), if you're Hindu you get a 300 (Multiple Choices) and deists get a 410 (Gone).

Awesome.
Permalink 12/30/08 @ 20:13

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